I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
