let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
