Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize