He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
