dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
