Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
