Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
