can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
