What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fuck appropriateness.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
