Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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