Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
