You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
