good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
