somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
