"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize