I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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