It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
