don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
honey bunches of taint.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
