Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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