If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
