I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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