I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
