in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
