dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
