how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
