Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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