she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
