she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
