Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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