if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
