I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
