we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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