You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
