I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
