it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
