How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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