You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
