he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
