Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
