The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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