even my farts smell like vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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