girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Randomize
