just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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