We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
