Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His hands were made for my vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
