My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
