I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
