no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
