I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
