Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize