I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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