My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
