Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
