I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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