it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
