Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
