We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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