Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
