Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
