Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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