i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize