He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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