I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
