NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
