DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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