nut hugger
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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