so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
