I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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