she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
