i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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