i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
