My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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