call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize