Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
