I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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