I could have mohawked her pubes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he fucked my hip out of place.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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