yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
