My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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