this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize