I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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