I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
