theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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