if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize