i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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