never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
