just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
