I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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