just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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