You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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