The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
