Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't deserve a penis
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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