No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
