i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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