he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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