you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
